Drastic or Die

Drastic or Die.  Seems a little theatrical doesn't it?  But it's really just where I am in my life.

About 9 months ago, I started thinking.  I mean....not for the very first time...but about this topic in particular.  We were having a difficult school year with our youngest son.  I'll call him E.  E deals with autism and several other disorders and the start of high school was rough on him, and therefore on my husband and me.  I had started seeing a counselor to help me deal with the stress of it all and that's what got me thinking.

Something needs to change.  No. Not something.  LOTS of somethings need to change.  In addition to the stress of everything, my weight is out of control.  My health is being affected.  I'm on seven different medications daily for high blood pressure, cholesterol, depression, acid reflux, and diabetes.  I'm tired.  I'm unhappy.  I don't want to see people or leave the house.  My self-esteem has never been great, but I'm at an all time low.  I feel like an embarrassment to my family.

And to top it all off, I have to turn 50 this year!  Isn't that just the icing on the cake?

Actually the thought of turning 50 doesn't really bother me that much.  I mean, on the inside,  I'm still in my 30's!  But I feel like 50 will be a turning point.  Like the BP will continue to climb, as well as the cholesterol, and do damage to my heart.  I've already turned the corner from being pre-diabetic to being diabetic for real.  I'm pretty sure if I don't make changes now, I'm going to cross a line and there will be no going back.

I have my elderly mother who needs me.  I have a son on the autism spectrum who needs me.  I have a nephew who is almost 3 and he needs me.  Ok, he doesn't need me, but he wants me.  (I might need him though.)  There are all sorts of people who need me!  I can't die or anything.  Like....ever.

So I knew, as I sat there think, think, thinking.... I have to fix this.  I have to do something Drastic, or I'm going to Die.  And that's how I came to the conclusion that bariatric surgery is right for me.  I talked to my husband.... I'll call him Papa B.  I talked to my doctor, Dr. S, who I thought would give me a hard time, but he surprised me by saying, "Yes!  Let's do this!"  So I started the process.  Dr. S. gave me excellent advice from the get-go....he told me, "Don't be impatient.  This is a loooong process and it's going to take close to a year before you get all the way through it.  Just accept it."  Glad he told me that, so I would be prepared, as it is definitely a journey of somewhere between 10-12 months before the surgery ever becomes a reality.  But that's okay.  I have a lot to learn before I get to that point and I need that time to make serious changes.

Right now I'm already 1/2 way through the process.  I've given up caffeine and carbonated beverages, which I thought would be harder than it was.  I was a huge Diet Pop drinker and I thought it would devastate me to give that up.  But my frame of mind was spot on and where it needed to be.  I'm willing to do what I need to do in order to succeed.  If you're considering going this route, then you need to know this:

The way you think about things will either make you succeed, or make you fail.

I'm done with failing.  That's how I ended up here in the first place.  If they tell me that I need to give something up, then okay....I'm going to give that something up.  Because why go through all of this if I'm not going to make permanent changes?  The way I see it, this is my LAST CHANCE.  I have to make it be a Win!

I can never have carbonated beverages again, but 6 months after surgery, I can actually go back to having caffeine if I want.  But I don't think I will.  I actually feel a lot better without the caffeine.  I was always tired in the afternoons after drinking caffeine and now I'm not.  Plus, I sleep a lot better at night.  I didn't realize how much the caffeine was affecting me.

So, dramatic or not.... "Drastic or Die" has become my armor, my goal, my mantra.  It's my new lease on life.  I'll be sharing my hopes, my fears, my challenges here.  It's my outlet so I don't bore people around me with all that is running through my head about bariatric surgery.  Plus, if you're reading this, you probably actually have your own interest.  Maybe you're considering it yourself.

I'll talk at'cha next time!